Jump to the present

How come when someone dies others feel they have a right to judge you?  Last night I had to tell a family member that I was in a new relationship.  This was because a large family/friend event was happening and I had been invited solo.  I hadn't had a chance to bring my new man around yet so I thought I would give a call to let them know.  Well, I was talked to like a stranger who picked up some guy off the street and wanted to bring a date.  I am in a new committed relationship.  Yes, I miss my late husband, but nothing I can do will bring him and my old life back.  I need to make a new life.  Stop judging me, stop thinking it is too soon.  I am crying inside for him, but I do not or will not let my life stop because he died.  I do not have any choices.  Yes, the family loved him and he was a part of my family life, but he left not me.  Why do I feel like I should just be the happy widow women and be a third wheel at all events? Because they want me to not have a new person, well they surely don't have the right.  How many nights I stared at the ceiling wishing for sleep?  Thinking about how and why did I now have to handle so many problems that arose with his death.  It was awful, it was difficult, it was time consuming, it was costly.  Why did he have to die?  I had a very happy loving life.  But he did die, and I choose to move on.  I also choose to be happy.  I found a loving man who understood loss, understood business, understood hard work, understood that I had a life before with someone I truly loved.  He has been there for me and makes it easier to get up in the morning and stay standing all day.  I thought I was handling things without bothering others.  I had a couple of acres, a large home, a business with employees, legal issues, health issues and more, but I didn't cry to my family, I didn't ask for assistance or help from my family.  I did it on my own, but they sure give me a disgusted tone when I tell them I am not alone any more.  I don't care, well, I really do care, but it is what it is.  I choose my life and they are important, but they have not or will not be an active part in my life as they have their own lives.  So, today I am happy.  I am thankful for my new love.  It is a warm fuzzy feeling to have someone to lean on.