51 weeks

I am amazed and still so shocked by his death and next Friday it will be one year.  So many changes, yet so much is the same.  You get into a new pattern, but still waiting for "the road" to be smoother.  I hit many bumps but I also get a bit of easy going at times.  I never wake up or go to sleep without thinking of him.  I know the questions I have will never be answered.   I know so much more than I did 51 weeks ago.  It is only easier because I choose to make it that way.  The road you choose is always your choice.  I wanted him and I will never feel anything but thankful for having had him touch my life and those around me.  I will always wish I had him for my lifetime, but I couldn't.  My other option would never had him at all and then I wouldn't have learned from him the many things he taught and showed me.  I can never stop loving him or holding him in my heart, but he allowed my heart to hold so much love and I will go on.