9 months 26 days. I can't believe it's been this short of time one minute or so very long the next. Usually nine months means the birth of a new baby. Good happy times. This nine months plus just makes me realize the roller coaster I have been on and how I so want to get off of it. I thought things were healing over and feeling better, but more times than not this isn't the truth of the matter. Wet eyes at inopportune moments, dreams smashed, plans changed. Why I ask? Not that I expect an answer, but one would be extremely nice.
Why did this happen to me? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and buckle down. I can't, I don't want to, but I know I must. I am tired. Not sleepy, just tired of the stress, the loss, the sadness, etc etc. I am waiting for my new addition of a new happy life.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Be there
Today I was saddened by the news of a friend who's husband died suddenly. People ask how, and I answer "Does it matter?" The fact is he is gone. Not coming back. Can't be fixed with money. GONE.
The important part of this horrible situation is the living. They are hurting, worse than most can imagine. They are lost, confused, hurt, sad, the words can go on and on. What can you do to help? BE THERE. Do not ask how they are doing, they are barely doing. Do not ask, what can I do? They don't know, they can't think, they hurt. Don't tell them to eat, they are not hungry. A cup of herbal tea and some water is a must though. They can dehydrate very easily. They only want one thing. What they want you can not give them. You can not answer why it is happening, you can only listen. You can not do anything and do not tell them you understand unless you have been in the EXACT situation. They do not want to hear your story of loss, especially if it isn't the same situation. They do not need to know you have suffered more, they don't need to hear this, and they can not hurt more than what they are feeling. Rest is a good thing, crying is normal, questions are normal. But remember you can't fix things. Don't think you are uncaring if you don't know what to do. The one thing that is the worst thing I heard was being told, 'you are strong, you will get through this.' At this point a new born is feeling more powerful than I was a that point.
What you can do is when they start thinking a bit clearer? BE THERE. It is worse after time goes by, and I don't mean even a lot of time. Yes, we realize we have pain but we also have obligations. We need to keep going some how. Please reach out and say hi. Reach out and ask, 'lunch'? Movie? Shopping? A few moments of normalcy is a great gift during this new period of time. My greatest hurt was the extreme loneliness when people continued on with their lives and my life was no longer the life I wanted to continue. He was gone and I had to continue on a different path. I hated traveling down roads by myself at times, but it was the best option to me. Many times this path makes the pain come back and hurt all over again, but I have no choice but to keep moving. Living is important. Life is short. BE THERE.
I will always be thankful for the friends and family who still remember that my road changed and not by my choice. The sadness is still very much there. Maybe I cry a bit less, but the insides are really not healed. As a friend of someone who is hurting. Don't ask, just do.
The important part of this horrible situation is the living. They are hurting, worse than most can imagine. They are lost, confused, hurt, sad, the words can go on and on. What can you do to help? BE THERE. Do not ask how they are doing, they are barely doing. Do not ask, what can I do? They don't know, they can't think, they hurt. Don't tell them to eat, they are not hungry. A cup of herbal tea and some water is a must though. They can dehydrate very easily. They only want one thing. What they want you can not give them. You can not answer why it is happening, you can only listen. You can not do anything and do not tell them you understand unless you have been in the EXACT situation. They do not want to hear your story of loss, especially if it isn't the same situation. They do not need to know you have suffered more, they don't need to hear this, and they can not hurt more than what they are feeling. Rest is a good thing, crying is normal, questions are normal. But remember you can't fix things. Don't think you are uncaring if you don't know what to do. The one thing that is the worst thing I heard was being told, 'you are strong, you will get through this.' At this point a new born is feeling more powerful than I was a that point.
What you can do is when they start thinking a bit clearer? BE THERE. It is worse after time goes by, and I don't mean even a lot of time. Yes, we realize we have pain but we also have obligations. We need to keep going some how. Please reach out and say hi. Reach out and ask, 'lunch'? Movie? Shopping? A few moments of normalcy is a great gift during this new period of time. My greatest hurt was the extreme loneliness when people continued on with their lives and my life was no longer the life I wanted to continue. He was gone and I had to continue on a different path. I hated traveling down roads by myself at times, but it was the best option to me. Many times this path makes the pain come back and hurt all over again, but I have no choice but to keep moving. Living is important. Life is short. BE THERE.
I will always be thankful for the friends and family who still remember that my road changed and not by my choice. The sadness is still very much there. Maybe I cry a bit less, but the insides are really not healed. As a friend of someone who is hurting. Don't ask, just do.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Darkness, but hoping for sunlight
Sometimes you feel that everything is gloomy, you tell yourself this is ridiculous and things could easily be much worse. Okay, I agree that my brain can rationalize but my heart and soul can't. I am so sad, depressed, wanting to run away that I can't even do this right. I just trudge alone and forward. Hopefully this too shall pass, but right now it is planted firmly in me. Sunlight, sunshine, please come out!
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